I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
