If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
