if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
