now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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