my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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