the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
