i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
