I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
