All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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