my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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