Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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