i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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