dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
