i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
