also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do vagina's smell?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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