Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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