holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
