he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
