I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
