The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
