when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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