Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
