I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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