I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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