It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think my vagina is haunted
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
