come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
