At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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