Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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