I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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