I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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