You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize