Duck Duck Cougar?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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