I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
