Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
