And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
