i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
