"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can I color on your dick again?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
