the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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