Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
