soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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