if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
