Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
