Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
