don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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