stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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