he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
