i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
