there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
