no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
