The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
