I just cut my nipple shaving
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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