Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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