I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
